Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
