Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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