There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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