There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
