A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
