i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
