the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
