I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
