I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
