That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
