i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just high enough for therapy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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