I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
