hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
