omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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