why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dicks are not precious.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
