It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
