We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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