after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
