"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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