I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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