so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
