my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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