Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
