Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
