franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
