how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
