I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They have beer where we have blood.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
