So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize