This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize