I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
