so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
