Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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