Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
