are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
