If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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