I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
