It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
