I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
