whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
