just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize