What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We just shotgunned beers for America
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
