the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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