I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
