just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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