It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
