i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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