Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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