some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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