Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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