do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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