I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
