actually, I'm a sock model
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
