mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
