It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize