You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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