I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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