You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
