First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
