when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
