last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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