i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
