i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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