I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
