I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
