using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize