what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
