Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
