He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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