Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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