i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
