a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
